Why is it so difficult, to embrace the fact that we are still so young, and have many years ahead of us?
I work in a big institution where people previously worked in those capital cities I’ve only read through journal and photo blogs. To say that I am not under pressure is an understatement — apart than I really like the job — how it is so complete package, allowing me to learn advocacy, project management and research — I am surrounded by astounding individuals I really admired when I was in college. Well I still do. But it has given me a lot of pressures where I come to work feeling stupidest and useless as I am the youngest in the team — or even in Indonesia Country office. I made mistakes a lot of times. And I got stressed out because of that. Sometimes I became one of those spoiled brat who is not grateful for what she’s got.
Yesterday I had a lunch with one of my senior I really respect. I shared about my insecurities — what is it that I can do, what is it that expected from me, why do I keep on making a lot of mistakes, etc. and she said,
“Chill, you still got 2 decades to figure out your true calling. Career is not a one night momentum where you expected an instant result. It’s a lifetime learning process. While you are still here, learn as much as you can, so that you know what kind of cause you would like to be working on in your next job. Believe me, you are still so young. And even the bosses must have made mistakes in their life. My advice would be, don’t try to impress anyone, not even yourself. Because at some points, you will always find yourself inadequate and it’s never ending.”
Do you know the saying that we can hardly believe what we think unless it’s said by someone else? That’s what I feel. I have never embraced the fact that I am young and I have a lot of privileges. I tend to compare myself to those who already sit in managerial level on their 20s. Who are trusted with handful of responsibilities in their first job. Who can proudly say that it’s their true calling and they are settled for that. I always forget that everyone has their own plot twist, different starting point and journey.
Realize that it’s a journey full of valleys and hills. And for some the learning curves might be big, while for others it’s just slightly different. But what matters is the process, no? To really digest our mistakes, to admit that we are still learning, and to believe that there are tons of opportunities ahead of us — only if we are willing to take a leap of faith. What matters is the cause that we are working to achieve. By far I learn what I am most proud of to work here is that most people are very dedicated in making a better place to live for children. And when children is at the frontier line of your cause, everything is worthwhile. I am always energized when I got back from field monitoring or during brown bag lunch — and I witness all the little change this institution is making. All those little raise in literacy rate, immunization coverage, child protection, child grants, involvement of children in Musrenbang and so many more. It sends shiver down through my spine. And every time I saw a tragedy affecting children my heart breaks — and I instantly became a very sensitive individual.
One colleague once presented, when we work with our hearts, we can deliver an amazing result.
By far, I really want to work in a field which allows me to see the baby step changes — not those involving high level meeting with fancy suits and speech, perhaps later when I have acquired some experiences — for now I want myself to matter for the betterment. Even though it’s very little. I want to work for a good cause.
Everyone, must have had their own true calling. I remember a friend of mine, who (at least he appeared so) really enjoys his job told me that the joy of his work is when he manages to witness the fusion of engineering field with management. Which requires him to continuously learn. Other friend of mine enjoys his current job simply because it is very related to his previous study. We can always have our own calling, which differs us from other people. Hence it might be no use to compare ourselves. And know that it might take months, years, or decade to find that out and that is totally okay.
We are doing what is best for ourselves.
And I might not know where I am heading, but I promise I am always learning.
